What to Expect in Therapy (That No One Really Tells You)

Starting therapy can feel like a big step. Maybe you’ve thought about it for a while. Maybe you’re nervous. Maybe you’re wondering: What is this actually going to be like? You might have Googled or asked a friend what to expect. You may have seen therapy portrayed on TV (and let me tell you - they rarely get it right). 

And while there’s plenty out there about intake forms and setting goals, there’s less about what the process actually feels like - and how it might surprise you.

I’ve been a therapist since 2016 and have also been on my own journey as a client. I still remember the anxiety going into my first session with my first therapist. What was she going to ask me? What was I supposed to say? What if I cried?! So here’s what no one really tells you about therapy… but I will.

1. You might not know what to say at first. That’s okay.

You don’t need to have a speech prepared or a perfect summary of your life. It’s totally normal to show up and say, “I’m not really sure where to start.” Therapy is a space where that’s more than okay. Part of the work is unfolding at your pace, finding language for things that have maybe never had words before. We’ll get there together.

2. It’s not always about feeling better right away.

Sometimes therapy stirs things up before it settles them. That’s not a sign that it’s not working - it’s a sign that something real is happening. Old patterns, protective parts, and long-held emotions might surface. And while that can feel uncomfortable, it’s often part of the healing. Therapy often isn’t about quick fixes - it’s about deeper shifts that last.

3. You might feel connected and vulnerable… at the same time.

It’s a strange thing: talking about the hardest parts of your life with someone you just met. But over time, that space can feel grounding, intimate, even sacred. And yes, you might still feel exposed or uncertain at times. That’s part of the process. Therapy is a relationship - and like all relationships, it takes trust and time to build. Sometimes the gift you give yourself is allowing that time rather than rushing into the deepest, hardest parts.

4. You might surprise yourself.

You might laugh in session. You might say something out loud for the first time and feel the weight lift. You might come in talking about work stress and realize you’re actually grieving something you never gave yourself permission to feel. Therapy is full of these quiet surprises and they’re often where the real healing happens.

5. Growth doesn’t always look how you thought it would.

Sometimes progress means setting boundaries. Sometimes it means crying in your car afterward because something finally clicked. Sometimes it means doing less, slowing down, listening more closely to yourself. It might not always be visible from the outside but inside, something real is shifting.

6. You’re allowed to bring your whole self.

The messy parts. The confused parts. The hopeful, exhausted, guarded, curious parts. You don’t have to perform or have it all figured out. Therapy isn’t about being “good” at therapy - it’s about being honest, being human, and letting someone help you hold what’s hard.

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Therapy is not a linear path, and it’s not always easy. But it’s real. It’s brave. And it can be life-changing.

If you’re considering starting therapy - or if you’re already in it and wondering if you’re “doing it right” - know this: if you’re showing up, you’re already doing something powerful.

And if you’re curious what it might look like to start that process with me, I’d be honored to connect.