What If I Don’t Know What to Say in Therapy?

So, you’ve booked the therapy session - maybe your first ever. You’ve carved out the time, filled out the paperwork, and now the day is here.

And suddenly, you’re wondering… What am I actually supposed to say?

If this is you - please know you’re not alone. This is one of the most common fears people carry into therapy, especially at the beginning. And it makes so much sense! If we’ve never done therapy, we have no idea what we are getting into. Of course we are nervous, and our brains are wired to fill in the blanks (and often in the scariest way possible). 

Therapy isn’t a performance. It’s a process.

We live in a world that often rewards being polished and prepared - having your story straight, your problems named, your goals clear. So it’s understandable that showing up to therapy (something so personal and vulnerable) might stir up a quiet panic:

What if I ramble? What if I cry? What if I just sit there and say nothing? What if they tell me I’m fine and just overreacting?

But here’s the thing: therapy isn’t about being “good at talking.” You don’t need a perfectly packaged narrative or a list of everything that’s ever happened to you. You’re allowed to show up unsure. Disconnected. Guarded. Even silent.

And from that place, we begin.

You can start exactly where you are.

Here are a few things people say in their first few sessions - to normalize what it really sounds like:

• “I don’t really know where to start.”

• “Things just feel kind of off.”

• “I’ve been thinking about therapy for a while, and I guess I just finally booked it.”

• “I’m not sure this is a big deal, but it keeps bothering me.”

• “My friend/spouse/doctor told me I should come. I’m not totally sure why I’m here.”

All of those are enough. All of those open the door.

Sometimes therapy starts with what’s top of mind - something that happened this week, a moment you can’t stop replaying, a feeling that’s hard to name. Sometimes it starts with a long silence, or a nervous laugh. Sometimes it starts with tears.

There’s no one right way in.

You’re not expected to lead the way alone.

Your therapist’s job isn’t to sit back and wait for you to deliver a perfect monologue. It’s to meet you where you are, help you feel safe, and begin gently exploring with you - at your pace.

That might look like:

• Offering prompts or reflections when you feel stuck

• Helping you notice patterns or feelings that show up in real time

• Naming the discomfort of “not knowing what to say” as something important, not something to push through

Sometimes, the moment you say “I feel like I should have more to say” is the work. Because underneath that? There’s often a story worth exploring - about pressure, self-doubt, or never feeling like you’re doing enough.

If this sounds familiar… that makes so much sense

It takes courage to start therapy. It takes even more to show up unsure and still say yes to yourself.

So if you’ve booked a session - or you’re thinking about it - and this fear is lingering in the back of your mind, know this: you don’t have to come in with the perfect words. You just have to come in.

We’ll find the words together. And if the words feel hard to come by - that’s okay too. We can sit with silence, follow what your body tells you, or start with the smallest thing that feels true.

And if you’re still wondering what you’ll do in those quiet or uncertain moments - this part is important.

Unlike most relationships in our lives, therapy is a space where you don’t have to manage anyone else’s needs, emotions, or expectations. You don’t have to filter. You don’t have to take care of someone else while trying to hold your own pain.

And that can feel unfamiliar. Even a little scary!

Starting therapy - especially your first session - often comes with a mix of anticipation and vulnerability. You might find yourself filling in the blanks: What if I say the wrong thing? What if I cry? What if I don’t cry? What if I talk too much, or not enough? What if I feel worse after I open up?

All of that is so normal.

The mind tends to fill in uncertainty with worst-case scenarios - especially when something matters. And therapy matters! It’s a big deal to let someone into your inner world, especially if you’ve been carrying things alone, protecting certain parts of yourself for a long time.

That’s why your therapist isn’t just sitting back and waiting for you to figure it out. We’re not here to analyze you from afar or expect you to lead the whole way. We’re here to guide. We’re in it with you.

It’s our job to offer enough structure that you don’t feel like you’re falling - while also giving you space to find your own rhythm. Structure should help you feel held, not trapped - so if structure itself feels tricky to you, that’s something we can explore together, too. 

We’ll ask questions, reflect patterns, help name what feels tangled, and stay with you when things get uncomfortable. We’re not here to “fix” you (because - spoiler alert - you’re not broken). We’re here to help you understand, unfold, reconnect, and we’re doing it with more compassion than judgment.

And we move at your pace.

Therapy isn’t about saying all the right things or diving into your deepest wound right away. It’s about slowly building a space that feels safe enough to go there when you’re ready. And when that space begins to feel like your own, therapy can become a place of relief, reflection, and even unexpected lightness. You bring your questions, your stuck places, your contradictions. We’ll bring curiosity, steadiness, and a deep respect for what it means to be human.

Considering therapy?

Therapy isn’t one-size-fits-all (and it shouldn’t be).

Every therapist is different. Every client is different. And the kind of therapy that feels supportive to one person might feel totally off for another. What matters most is that you feel safe, seen, and able to show up as you are. If you’re thinking about starting therapy, I encourage you to find someone who feels like a good fit for you - someone whose presence helps you exhale a little. That kind of connection is where the real work begins.

If you’re feeling stuck, unsure, or overwhelmed - and curious about what therapy might look like - I’d be honored to connect. I offer a free 15-minute consultation so we can talk about what you’re hoping for and whether it feels like a good fit.

You don’t have to have it all figured out. We start with whatever’s here. That’s more than enough.